A little funny
What is the statute of limitations on being an A-hole?
Years ago, when Jodi and I were on our yearlong engagement, we were out doing engaged people things. We got her ring sized, planned some future, and ended up waiting for a table at Cristiano’s. The best Italian restaurant in town usually has a good wait period.
I have a sense of humor that is not particularly appropriate at times, and there was a little person waddling out of the dining area towards the bathroom. Remember in like 5th grade when the teacher wanted silence during a test and you and your best friend had the giggles? The harder you try to not laugh, the funnier the situation gets.
The earliest memory I have of this condition was a funeral at my grandparent’s church. I was sitting next to my cousin and we were in one of the pews near the back. A large woman, she carried her weight in the trunk, brushed by the left pew, then the right pew, left, right, repeat. Her destination was obviously front row. I don’t remember who giggled first, but we both hit hysteria within seconds. My aunt threatened we would have to go outside if we couldn’t control ourselves, and it escapes me why we stayed. A few minutes, and a couple of thwarted breakdowns later, we were back under control. The funeral started off with a friend of the deceased singing a hymn. Three or four lines into the song was a very very high note, like hope the stained glass stays in the frame high. I just happened to see Ryan’s head flinch back at the note, I lost it. He lost it with me, we picked dandelions in the parking lot for the remainder of the service.
“Table for Josh”
Sweet, not a bad wait at all. We look over the menu, order drinks, and are still undecided on what to order. I pick a spinach salad that is “something to write home about” Jodi gets a pasta with shrimp.
Having just come from the jeweler, we found out that we have similar ring sizes. It shouldn’t have been so surprising, we can share shoes and do often. But it was bringing Jo down a little.
“Do you think I’m ginormous?”
Trying to be funny and comforting simultaneously I raise my voice to blurt out “No babe, look at me, I’m a midget!”
Immediately I realized who is at the table directly on my right. My head flinched. We lost it.
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