Listening to an interview, I heard a phrase that I’ve heard a million times. A phrase that makes complete sense, yet has always rubbed me a little funny.

I always want to jump through the speaker, or television, or whatever medium I catch someone that uses this phrase, and ask the follow up questions! A long time ago, my wife and I were discussing superpowers and if you could choose one which would you choose. I stated that the ability to fly like Superman would be the end all be all for me, Jodi quickly responded that she would like to be able to reach into the TV and slap the stupid out of people. I lost it. I’ll also never forget it! That sense of humor is one of the many reasons we can withstand each other during the crazy storms of marriage and raising kids! I love you  babe, know that, now remember that as you read on…

Fuck You Money

That’s the phrase, EFF You money. I always look beyond the phrase to figure out what is meant. The layers of FU money are deep and incredibly complex. Maybe Fuck You Money is as little as “Fuck you, I’ve got this tab. It’s been great hanging out with you.” But it most likely goes a bit further. For instance, it could mean “I never have to do a job I don’t want to do” or it could imply “I never have to work again.” Wait, I have more. Does it cover “Let’s buy the local coffee house and turn it into a Starbucks” or “How about we rename Yellowstone National Park to GoodTalkJosh Volcanic Voyeur Vacations LLC?”

You see why the phrase bugs me? There are way too many variables in play.

“But Josh,” you ask, “do you have a better solution?”

Your goddamned right I do!

I am a middle aged, short man with a beard that almost grows in full. I tend to talk too loud, especially after a couple cocktails. Sometimes I start a story and get so wrapped up in the details, I forget the point I started making. You’ll read this in a couple minutes, I wrote it for days! I can’t hit a three pointer, I run – but I’m not fast, I’m not going to throw punches and win. What am I trying to say?

Anytime this subject is breached in my circle of contacts, my phrase is CRYSTAL CLEAR! No doubt everyone knows exactly what I mean when I declare the journey won’t be over until I see Fuck Me Money!

When a dude like me has Eff me $ its pretty obvious.