Our smoke detector chirped at 1 in the morning. I know that it means one of the battery back ups are bad, but Jodi has a panic disorder so nothing is simple. 

Back it up, about 7 years ago we were asleep in our room when she smelled a burning aroma. Just before bed we lost power to half the house. I flipped the breaker, it flipped back. I try again. It resists. I force it, it pops like an aching knuckle. “Trust me babe, we’re good.” After she wakes me, I begrudgingly got up to inspect the house and found an electrical fire in the attic. So the panic is there for a reason. 

Back to tonight, or this morning I guess. 

I look around the house and all is well. One of the detectors in the basement had a flashing green indicator light, the rest were solid green. My best guess is that I’ve figured out where the issue is. 

“Honey it’s just a battery thing, we’ll fix it in the morning. Trust me…”

We have 7 detectors in our new home, I keep roughly zero 9 volt batteries on hand. I’m wise enough to realize that if you’re going to replace one, you gotta replace them all, so off to the dreaded 24 hour store that I despise to see how far they’ve rolled back the prices on batteries today. 

Evidently I’m insensitive, on my phone too much, hot & cold emotionally…
Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning could be the exact story as Midnight At The Emergency Room. Only the creepers are all in the parking lot, some have cars with the engine running, others are lingering like the walking dead just out of street light illumination. 

I walk in and ask where to find batteries, they’ve hired one of those zombies to check receipts and greet customers evidently. I find the kiosk anyway. I’m in luck, 2 packs of 4 are left. The only register open is barely attended to. There’s NO conversation, I actually tried to make eye contact with this poor soul, then it occurs to me that I probably look like the unfortunate one to her. I mean, it’s 2 a.m. I got a D.A.R.E. shirt on, sweats with paint and syrup stains, boat loafers, and I’m buying 8 batteries on credit?!? 

Shit, I would not want to look into the eyes of me either. 

A few hours later, Keenan let me know that my cool awesome ladder was by the toilet. “It’s cool, but why here daddy?”

It’s okay bud, trust me